"Swallow My Words. Taste My Thoughtss.."

Since this break of Butta And Bae,
A LOT!
Has been happening.
And I've been thinking,
A LOT
As well.

I've been thinking about boys//relationships.
Like, to me, why does it seem that guys like girls that are like, boring???
Or they treat them more nicely than the ones that rather crack on people in class rather than the ones that
spend the whole class period, after lunch, applying their lip gloss, mascara, fixing their hair...etc.
TRUE STORY.
Or maybe it's just ME and the immature boys that attend my same learning development.
Idk.
See, I'm the one who likes to pick on people.
Laugh at everything, funny or not.
Do something stupid.
Punch people.
Act silly.
But I STILL seem to get no actual proper play from boysss.
I mean, I'm ah bundle of fun..ask anybody.
Buttttt.
Yeah..no boyfriend.
But then, a stuck up broad, who gossips about everybody, has lame jokes, and not even all that ca-ute...
They got men.
I just don't get it.
Haha..like..please!!
For any of the guy readers we have, for real, what's the deal???
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Another thing,
It always seems to me, that no matter what I think or decide to do that can help better myself,
I always find myself being pushed back to where I was before in life.
For example,
I just got a car.
Usually, when someone gets a car, they feel freedom and responsible.
I semi feel that, but I also begin to think of the days when my mama had to take me
EVERYWHERE.
And I start missing those days and have a moment where I don't wanna drive my car no where and just have my mama
take me somewhere....
Like thee old timess.
And in school??
I try and aim for straight A's and B's, I plan to keep my notebook organized to a tee,
Then one day, I acquire the Slacker Bug and just, fall completely off.
I miss an enormous amount of days to the point where the school doesn't even call my house anymore
to leave a message saying that I wasn't in school today.
I slack off in class and doing homework.
I just completely fall the freak off.
And with people??
UGH!!
My friggin' weakness.
Little things and certain people irritate the hell out of me!
To no end.
I get so aggravated when like, my fan won't turn the way I want it to.
I get aggravated when I put something in my bathroom cabinet and it just falls off.
Then I put it back in there, and it falls again..
Little Stuff.
Then with people,
When I was in eighth grade, there was this one boy that just got on my nerves.
Everybody's nerves at that.
And when he got on MY nerves, I would hit him, call him out, clown him in front of everybody.
And just did not care about it.
Then this year, or probably since beginning of High School,
I kind of toned it down cause I thought my aggressive-ness may be seen as a turn off,
So I avoided rude comments made about me or whatever,
Just so my Inner-Hulk wouldn't come out and people label me as
"crazy"
But now, I have just started getting back into that habit.
A boy say something totally out of line about me..to me..??
He gets punched and a few slick words get said.
A girl say something about what I'm wearing??
She gets an attitude sent straight back her way and a smart comeback gets returned.
But maybe that aggressive trait is a plus???
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But yeah..pshh.
I don't understand boys
And
I take 3 steps towards success and change
And
I get thrown back 17.

I'm just a sixteen year old girl...
My Life Is Complicated.