"I Don't Want You But Then Again..."

Just when I think I'm starting to like mature and stuff..i still got the mind and attitude of a little kidd..
Confused??
Let me explain the situation.

Remember a couple of months ago I stated that I wanted a boyfriend..
didn't need one..
but wanted one..

Okay..soo during the summer vacation I met someone..
Online but still..lol..whatever..
Oh yeahh..he's my long distance lover with the Gatorade Bottle..yeahh..him..
But I just know that we can't ever be together..
and that ish hurts, Cuh.
Now since school has started, I'm seeing more dude and stuff right..
But the one that I have had my eye on since Freshman Year is finally in one of my classes and he starts talking to me..

"Do people be askin u if u go wit me??" - Him
"Yeahh. All the time. Do they be asking you??" - Me
"Yea i be wantin to say yea wat u be sayin??" - Him
"I be saying no." - Me
"Wen am i gone get to say yea??" - Him
"What you mean?? You wanna go out with me??" - Me
"Why wouldn't I?? Da question is do u want 2??" - Him
"I gotta see. I like you but i'm not sure i want a relationship just yet.." - Me
"I mean dats cool wit me i feel ya.." - Him

=/

Like..I don't know whats wrong with me.
It's like..I want a boyfriend, right..
But when I get the opportunity, I just, don't do nothing with it..
Like, if Long Distance Lover was to ask me to be with him..i'd say yes in a heartbeat..
But now this dude that goes to my school asks me and I say no..well..i say i'll think about it..
It's like, I don't want a boyfriend that goes to my school..
It's not like imma cheat or anything and don't want him to find out..
I just don't like dealing with people asking me if that's my boyfriend..
And if i just talk to another dude, people will think i'm cheating or something..
I don't know.
But if i really liked Dude, then all this stuff wouldn't matter, right??

I don't know..but i gotta movie date with him tomorrow night..so we'll see how things turn out..

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This probably doesn't have anything to do with this post but I found it interesting..
and creepy..

The past guys that I've had something with like..the dudes that really stood out to me in a way..
all their names start with a "J"
J***N
J**H
J*****E
J****Y
J**N

CRAZY.