&& I ask myself why.

so I'm laying in bed watching TV waiting on my boyfriend to text me back.
I'm watching In Plain Sight to be exact.

in this episode the daddy was helping a mob person or whatever and his wife got killed.
yaddy yaddy ya.
but like..the dad and his daughter were put into witness protection or whatever and he was doing a lot of stuff to keep her happy.
even when she got with the man who killed his wife's son he still let it slide to keep her happy.

and I'm crying like a little baby because I'm a punk and it kinda gets me thinking.
why isn't my dad like that?

I have to call him and call him and call him just to ask for a simple gift...I get ignored by him constantly.
maybe it's cause I live all the way in North Carolina and he lives in California...but I'm still his daughter...his ONLY daughter might I add...and I'm ALWAYS a phone call a way.

I try and I try to just say eff it and pretend like I don't care that he doesn't care about me but at the end of the day he's still my dad and I sometimes go outta my way to try and get his attention.

and I sometimes wish that he was just a little bit like all the dads they show on TV...I wish that he went out of his way to make me happy, that he went out of his way to call me even on his busiest days.

and then I wonder why I still care...he's let me down so many times and I still care...he didn't call me on my birthday...he didn't send me a birthday gift...he yelled at me on the day I was leaving California last summer, AND I STILL CARE.

but why??

I know he's my dad, but he treats me like any other girl on the streets, so why can't he be any other man on the streets to me.

ugh.

July 12, 2009
...but why daddy??